I didnt even realise what today was until now. I was sitting at the computer on facebook and i realised that one year ago today was the day that my boys hearts stopped beating. I feel horrible that i didnt even remember that it was today but at the same time i am happy that i didnt remember, I dont want to remember. I dont even really think of today as being the day that they died, i didnt even know that they had died until the 7th. I really can believe how fast all of these anniversaries have come around. In exactly a week it will be their 1st birthday. I really just want to go to go to sleep and wake up when all of those hard dates have been and gone.
I dont even know what i am going to do for their birthday. I really want to have a party for them but i dont know if i am going to be feeling in the mood to be around a heap of people. I guess i will just have to wait and see, and maybe if i am too busy planning a birthday party i wont have time to stress out about the day untiol it is here.
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About Me
- Rikki
- I am 20 years old and a mummy to the most gorgeous identicle twin boys, Elijah Leevi and Jett Leeam who were born on the 10th of January, 2009. They were stillborn at 37 weeks. In the short time that i had with them they taught me so many things, they taught me what it was to live and they also taught me about death. I am lost without my babies and struggle with my loss everyday. Mt life did and still does revolve around my beautiful boys. I am now trying to find a way to live as a babyless mum and figure out where my place in life is.
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2 comments:
I wish you peace for this following month. I found that the first birthday was the hardest. You can still make it a beautiful day. Just be gentle on yourself.
xxxx
Every 'first' is such an important milestone. I hope that whatever you decide to do it brings you a little more peace and you feel close to your little angels. Thinking of you and of course, Eli and Jett xxx
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