my first baby shower and a sign

I went to my first baby shower since the boys were born today. I was so nervous, i didn't know anyone else there so i was a bit worried about that too because i am not real good around strangers, put that on top of being around a heap of ladies talking about babies and birth stories and i was freaking out. But i made it and it wasn't that bad. My friend's friends were all really nice. A few of them knew about my boys so i think they knew not to say something stupid, and i was even included in some of the pregnancy conversations and they didn't act freaked out or uncomfortable or anything which was really nice because usually most people steer clear of the topic.

 I also went to the zoo yesterday. I love the zoo. I will have to post some of the pictures soon. Of course all i really wanted to see was the elephants and the giraffes. They were so beautiful. I haven't seen giraffes in person before so that was the highlight of my day. The boys also sent me a sign that they were around too which was amazing. We went into the butterfly house and there was thousands of butterflies flying around we were in there for a while and i was trying to get the butterflies to land on me but none of them would no matter how still i stayed. This may sound crazy but i said to Eli and Jett to make a butterfly land on my head if they were with me and just seconds later a bright orange butterfly landed right on my head stayed for a few seconds, i said thank you to the boys and then it flew away. Orange is my favourite colour. It was so nice knowing that they were there.

Just a reminder to everyone to go over and vote everyday for project sweet peas so that they can continue to help babies in the NICU. They are currently in 17th place and they need to get into the top 10 to receive a $25,000 grant. After you have voted head over to Megans blog MJ'S Memories and leave a comment for a chance to win one of her beautiful awarness braclets. So please VOTE!!!

Weird Dream

I have always had really weird dreams but not many of them really stick with me. Well last night i had the weirdest dream and it had been bugging me all day for some reason. I dreamt that i found out that i was pregnant again, i was so happy and excited to be able to give Eli and Jett a little brother or sister.  So i went in for an ultrasound. I told the lady that i was really nervous because my twins were stillborn. So she said that she would have a better look at the baby. I think i was about 15 weeks pregnant in the dream. Anyway she then pulls the baby out of my belly and hands it to me. It was a little girl and she was so tiny and wriggling around in my hand. I was so shocked that she had taken her out and i was begging the lady to put her back in my tummy where she belonged, and i was saying to the lady that she was in pain but she wouldn't listen to me she said that she would be fine and for me to just wrap her in a blanket. I was just laying there trying to comfort this tiny little baby that was smaller then my hand and reassuring her that everything would be OK. Then sent me home with the little baby and i was walking around the streets with her and people wanted to see her and i wouldn't let anyone see her. There was more to the dream but i cant really remember much more of it. I woke up and i was looking around my bed for the little baby and then i woke up properly and realised that i had just been dreaming. I have no idea what the dream meant but i cant seem to get it out of my head.

Some more beautiful pictures

Thankyou so much to Jill at Vermont Angels For writing Eli and Jetts name in Vermont. They are beautiful.

Michelle from Missing Juanito Wrote my boys names for Easter with a little chick. The chick is so cute! Thankyou so much Michelle it was so nice seeing this.

Laura from Angel Baby Names Made this beautiful picture for me. Thankyou so much Laura you are amazing :)

Telisha made me this beautiful picture for Eli and Jett for Easter. Getting this picture brightened my day made the easter weekend a bit more bearable. Thankyou so much Telisha.

When i was pregnant with the boys i used to hate it that people would look at me and i could see them judging me. I am pretty sure i knew what they were thinking. They were thinking that i was just another immature single 19 year old pregnant girl. I hated it, I hated that they could judge me without knowing me, I gave everything up for my babies, but they didn't see that all they seen was a teenager. Now i would give anything for people to see me that way.

I have realised that i am guilty of thinking like that all the time. I see a teenage pregnant girl and think the same thing that everyone thought of me. I just cant help it, i hate that 'most' of them don't appreciate what they have. Sometimes i think that i should have been upset about being pregnant and angry at my babies for ruining my life and then maybe i would still have them, but the truth is i could never be angry at them and the only made my life better.

I am so mad at myself for thinking that things like this didn't happen to young people, that things only went wrong for older people. How wrong was I.

HAPPY EASTER........

Eli and Jett! I know that you would have been spoilt today and i am pretty sure that you both would have loved chocolate seeing as i don't like chocolate and i craved it the entire time i was pregnant with yous. I can imagine you both right now completely chocolate covered with all of your angel friends having so much fun, but i am selfish and i wish that you were here, all chocolate covered and celebrating Easter with me. I bought a few things over the weekend that remind me of you, a elephant and a giraffe key rings and a few other bits and pieces, i figure if i cant buy things for you then i might as well buy things for me that remind me of you.

I hope that today has been special for you both. Mummy loves you both SO much. XOXOXOXO


Happy Easter to you all and to your families and angels. I hope the Easter bunny stepped in today and took care of all of our babies today. I hope that today is gentle on you.

I have to get going so i can get ready for the big night parade tonight, It is amazing with fire crackers and the Chinese lions and dragons and then after the parade they let off a huge fireworks display. I swear this town will use anything as an excuse to let them things off, but hey I'm not going to complain, i love fireworks.

Please Go And Vote

For Project Sweet Peas so that they can win $25 000 to help families that have a baby in the ICU by providing care packages. You can vote once a day with each email address you have.  To vote click HERE, and to find out more info on Project Sweet Peas go and visit Megans blog MJ's Memories. Thank you all so much. Xxx

Their Names

Thank you to  Mandi  at Written In The Stars for writing my boys names for me. I dont really believe in heaven so i have always said that they went up to the stars.

Thankyou to Jaime at Indelible Ice Images for Etching Eli and Jetts names into the ice.  Jaime writes the names on a ice road in Canada. I love how she wrote there names together.

 

 Laura at Angel Baby Names for making this for me. Laura does an amazing job looking up the meanings for the names. Thankyou Laura

This was written for me over at Names On The Sidewalk. Thankyou Tiffany.

I absolutly love all of these pictures and i love seing there name written all over the world. It is really nice to know that they will be remembered by more people then just me.

Thankyou from the bottom of my heart to everyone that has written my boys names for me.