I am back!

I have been away from blog land for a while but i am now back. It is going to take me a while to get through all of the posts that i have missed but i will do my best.

this last month that i have been away has been so crazy for me. First i went on holiday for my birthday then while in was away on holidays my sister who i olive with rang me up and told me that we were moving house and that when i got home they would have already moved ( so anyone that had my old address and needs my new address just let me know and i will send it to you), then when i got home from my holiday i had to go and move everything from my room at the old house to the new house, then i had to go and help get the old house cleaned and ready to hand the keys back to the real estate. A week after i got home we had alot of visitors come and stay with us for christmas and they have only just left yesterday. So it has been pretty full on for me. I am so exhausted now. Last night was the first night that i had slept in my own bed since i got back from holidays and it was so good. I can finally start to relax a little.

So my birthday was amazing. I am definitely never going to forget it. All of my friends back home made it the best ever. I didn't have a party or anything like that i just hung out with all of my friends and went out to the pub but i think just being back home after being away for nearly 2 years was what i really needed. Being back there made me realise just how much i really missed all my friends. The 2 weeks that i was there seemed to go so fast. It felt like i was only there a few days and i had to leave again. It wasn't all fun though. While i was there i had to face one of the hardest things that i think i have had to face so far since losing the boys. My best friend had a baby 3 months ago. She found out that she was pregnant the day after the boys were born. She had a little girl named Jose. She is absolutely gorgeous but it was so hard. It took me 3 full days of being around her to be able to hold her. Once i did all i did was cry. It felt really good to have a baby in my arms but it just reminded me of what i have lost. It was really good because my friend understood. She knew that it was going to be hard on me and she didn't push me to hold her baby. We had a big talk about it and a big cry too. She told me that she felt weird being with me because she felt like something was always missing and there was nothing that she could do to try help. It was god talking to her about it because even though she has never lost a baby i feel like me and her are so alike and get each other more than anyone else that she did understand my pain and i know that she loved the boys as much as she loves her own daughter. I love that my boys are loved by so many people that had never even seen them.

There was a few people that really disappointed me while i was away. A few people that i used to think of as close friends. These people basically did everything that they could have to ignore me. It really hurt especially because one of those people was the first person to see my boys. She was at my first ever ultrasound when i found out that i was having twins. It felt like she was only my friend because i was pregnant but as soon as there was no babies she didn't want to know me any more. But i didn't let that ruin my holiday i just got over it and moved on. People like that aren't worth it.

Christmas was very busy this year. We had alot of family down this year which was good but i think because i was so busy it wore me out and by the end of the night i had a total melt down. I had been pretending to be happy for everyone else all day but i was miserable. I got drunk which i know i shouldn't have done and i turned into a crying, throwing up drunk mess,k which was not fun at all and to top it off i cut my foot on glass and went for a swim fully clothed and had my phone on my so i fried it. So now because of me being stupid and making a fool out of myself i have no phone. Luckily for me i don't get hangovers so i physically felt ok the next day.

I hope everyone had a nice christmas. I was thinking of all of you and your babies, and wishing that they could have been there with you. I wish that my boys could have been here with me for their first christmas but I'm ok knowing that they were with all of your babies and I'm sure that they were having a heap of fun and getting spoilt rotten.

Sorry this has been so long. I was trying to keep it as short as possible but i didn't want to split it up too much because i have a horrible memory and would have forgotten it otherwise. I still have a bit more to add but i will do it another day.

If i don't get back on here before the new year. HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!!