Answers

I am sorry that i havent done this post yet, i was planing on doing it a few days ago but i have been having internet troubles but hopefuly they are all fixed now.


So here are the answers to all of the questions that you asked-

My question for you: Being a mum of twins who died, would you like twins again?
I loved being pregnant with my girls and couldn't wait to be pushing their pram down the street and having people ask me about having two, and I would love to have twins again, but my doc has advised against it :( I just want the world to know I am a mother of multiples! What are your thoughts? 

At this point i cant imagine me ever having anymore babies. I am terrified that if i did decide to get pregnant again that i would lose them too, even though i was told that there was no chance of the same thing happening again, knowing my bad luck it would or there would be something else that would happen.
I have always wanted to be a mum and have lots of kids, and i still do but like i said i am terrified. But if i did some time decide to try again i would definantly love to have twins. I am so proud to be a mum of twins and i wish that other people could see that too. So if there was an option i would definantly choose twins. I think only having one baby growing inside me would be of course amazing but also very weird. All i have ever known is twins that is my normal.


This may be too personal, please don't be offended that I ask, and feel no need to answer. Was Eli and Jett's father ever involved, or want to be involved? The only reason I ask is because I have so much admiration for single mothers, even more so for you because you had twins. I know how my husband has dealt with losing a son, and men for some reason are sometimes mystical with their emotions. Just wondering how their father is dealing with losing them, if at all.

I am not offended at all. I have been asked this question many times before and i usually give different answers to everyone that askes. The reason for that is because many people judged me for my decisions that i made. I am going to give the real answer here, I feel like i should be able to tell the truth here and if anyone doesnt like my answers then i am not forcing them to read.

I was never really with their father. We were 'seing' each other for a few months but it wasnt anything serious. He had mentioned to me once that if something happened not to come to him, So when i found out i was pregnant i had mixed amotions about what to do. I decided that it would be best for everyone for me not to tell him that i was pregnant, i was planning on letting him know after i had moved away. I didnt think that it was fair on him to dump it on him and for him to support them when he didnt want them in the first place, they were my responsibility not his. I was also so scared to tell him because i was scared of what he might do.  I am pretty sure that he know i was pregnant, he seen me a few times before i left and i was definantly showing. I lost his number so i hadnt told him. About a month after the boys died my friend seen him and told him what had happened. She said that he was confused why i didnt tell him and she explained the reasons why and he said he understood. She told me that he seemed sad that he had just found out that he had 2 sons and also found out that they had died but i didnt hear much else. I was hoping that i would see him when i went back there for my holiday before christmas but i didnt see him which was pretty disapointing. I really wanted to talk to him about it.
I was happy with being a single mum. I knew it was going to be hard and was as prepared for the tough times as you can be because i knew that my boys would be worth it. I definantly wasnt prepared for losing them but i still think that the pain was worth it, they are worth it.

My question is this, how did you come up with the names for your babies? I love hearing how people came up with names for their babies! :)

I have always loved the name Eli since i was a kid. I had always said that my first boy would be called Eli. I decided to call him Elijah and shorten it to Eli so that he had options. Elis middle name is Leevi, my middle name is my grandmothers name and my sisters also have their grandmothers najmes for their middle names too so i wanted to continue that too. I am lucky that my mums name is Lee so i didnt have to give them girls names. So i picked names that had the Lee sound and changed the spelling of it. I didnt want just Lee for both of them partly because i didnt want Jett to be Jet Lee for obvious reasons lol, and partly because i wanted them to be individuals. I dont really know why i picked Jett's name. I was looking through a baby names book before i found out i was having twins and the only boys names that i liked were Eli and Jett. As soon as i seen it i fell in love with it i knew then that it was his name.


How far along were you when you first found out your were having twins?
What was your first reaction?

I found out i was having twins at my first ultrasound at 7 weeks. I was terrified because the man doing the ultrasound was taking alot of time and was looking a bit worried. He turned to me and Said 'are you ready for this' i nearly burst into tears thinking that he was going to say that he couldnt find the heart beat ( i had a crazy, well not so crazy now, thought that something terrible was going to happen) then he said 'you are having twins' I actually laughed at him. I was already out growing my pants and my friends had all been joking the noght before that i was having twins so i thought that somehow they had made him tell me that as a joke. The first thing i said was your joking arent you? and he said no and showed me their tiny little hearts beating away. I wansnt scared at all, actually the complete opposite, you couldnt wipe the smile off my face. I was a little shocked because i had just found out that i was pregnant less then a week before and then i find out that i am having 2 babies it was alot in a very short time but i was so excited to be having twins. I had always said that i wanted twins and my wish came true.

How are things going at your sister's house? Is it getting any better with her husband??

 Everything is going ok at the moment. We have our moments, i hate being here and wish i could have my own place but it is ok if i stay away from him and he stays away from me. Can i just say i love nightshift lol.


Thankyou all for asking me these questions, i had so much fun answering them.  It was a good change of pace for me.
I am always happy to answer any questions that you have so if you ever want to know somthing feel free to ask :)

Questions

I have seen this being done on a few other blogs recently so i thought i would do it too. It is pretty easy, you ask i answer.

I am sick of only really having depressing posts so i thought that this would be a good way to post something new :) I also thought this might be a good way to help people de-lurk :)

I am going to give you all the chance to find out a little more about me. You can ask me questions and i will answer them all in another post. You can ask me what ever you want, it can be about my boys, my life , my childhood,  absloutly anything so dont be afraid to ask.

I am looking forward to answering all of your questions, so start asking away!!!!

I AmGoing To Be OK

Today was my volunteer day in the creche at the gym. I was a bit nervous today because i am now on a different day which means that i was going to be with different ladies.

I was so much more comfortable there today, i don't really know why, maybe it was because the ladies were a bit older and i seem to get on better with people older them me because they are less bitchy i think.

There was a 6month old there today and it was ok because i stayed with the older kids and he hardy cried at all but towards the end of the first hour he started getting a bit unsettled. All the other ladies were busy with the other kids and without thinking i asked if she wanted me to get him and she said yes. Then i realised what i had said and started panicking but i told myself that i couldn't back out now, to just get over it and it wouldn't be so bad. Guess what, it actually wasn't that bad at all. I just picked him and as soon as i picked him up he stopped crying and started smiling at me. It was really nice.

His mum came to pick him up and while she was taking him a lady walked in with a newborn girl, just a few weeks old. and i started getting the shakes. I haven't been that close to a baby that little since the boys died. Right behind her another lady walked in with the other little babies boy cousin who was 4 days younger then the first. I thought here we go 2 babies that look similar and are the same age. Obviously someone is trying to test me today. That is pretty much as close as you can get to twins without them actually being twins.

So the little girl started crying and i just picked her up and she stopped and just looked into my eyes and snuggled into me and went to sleep. She was beautiful. So i put her down and then her cousin needed a feed so i fed him and changed burped him and changed him and rocked him. I actually liked it. I liked the feeling of having a baby in my arms again.

The little girl then woke up and everyone else was busy so i put one of them in a rocker and held the other one and was rocking the one in the rocker with my foot and rocking the one in my arms and i thought that, that is what i should have been doing with my boys. Taking care of both of them by myself, soothing them, cuddling them. But the thought for some reason didn't make me sad. I had a wash of peace come over me. I really think that my boys somehow had something to do with that. They knew that i hated not being able to even look at babies and i needed to hold one (or two) again.

So 3 babies in 3 hours and now i feel good for the first time in a long time. I am proud of myself and today for the first time i really think that i am going to be OK.

Thank you Eli and Jett, for teaching me so much about myself that i didn't even know was possible, you made me realise that i am so much stronger then i thought. I love you you both more then i ever thought i could love anyone. XOXOXOXO

Does anyone know somewhere to get good, free blogger templates???? I really need a new look and i don't think mine is working for some reason. I really wish that i could afford to pay someone to design my blog, but i cant, maybe one day. So for now free template sites would be much appreciated.
Thanks.

What a handsom little man

A little boy

On Monday i was reading the news. One of the things i read about was a baby elephant had died while the mummy elephant was in labour. The elephant was in the wrong position for it to be born and they done an ultrasound and they found that the baby elephant had passed away the night before. Since reading that i have been quite down all week. as many of you probably know, i love elephants especially baby ones, they remind me of Eli so hearing this was quite upsetting for me.

Today when i opened up the news site the first thing that i seen was that the elephant a little boy had been born this morning. I was about to look at something different but i had to read it first. I was reading when i seen that they had made a mistake and the elephant was born alive. I couldn't believe it, i am so happy that i decided to read about it. I am so happy now, it has made my week. I just wish that the little elephants story could have been all of our stories. I wish that the doctors had all made mistakes like that.

melbourne storms

In my last post i was talking about the rain we were having. Apparently we got 150mm of rain in a few hours and we got the most rainfall in the state. These pictures are from Melbourne which is about 2 hours drive from where i live. Melbourne got hail the size of tennis balls and severe flash flooding. This first picture is taken outside of the crown casino. The next picture is of the hail at the racecourse. I haven't uploaded my pictures of my street yet but they don't look as good as these do anyway.

Bit of this, and a bit of that.

Last week on So. Y.ou Think. you. can dan.ce Australia one of the couples done a dance about a couple that had lost their baby. It was such a beautiful dance. Click here to watch the episode. I cant find a clip of just the dance sorry. You can skip forward to it. it. the dancers are Grace and Nick. I hope that it will work for all of you international ladies. I recommend that you all go watch it. I was in tears watching it. This is the song that they are dancing too. I had never heard it before but i really like it.

I FINALLY got off my butt and got the boys urn engraved today. It turned out so beautiful. I am so happy that it is now finished, and when i look at it i know that it is no longer half done, it is perfect like it should be, like they deserve. I don't have any pictures yet but i will try to post some soon.

Some of you may know that i LOVE LOVE the rain and cold. It has been so warm here lately and i hate it but today it was nice and cold and it rained all day. It got so bad this afternoon that our entire street was flooded out and all the drains were so full that they had turned into fountains. I loved it raining that much luckily for me our house is slightly raised so our house didn't get flooded, unluckily for the people that lived a few houses down because the river flowing down the road had decided to run through their house too.
I went outside into the rain and stood there getting soaking wet and walking up and down the street through the flowing water that was halfway to my knees. It felt so good. like i was a kid again. I remember being a kid and every time it rained like that i would always go don't to the creek and play all day in the water. I miss doing that now. If you go out onto the street and play in the water now everyone looks at me like i am crazy, even though i don't really care what people think of me. I will post some pics of our river street later too.

I think that is all i have to say for now.

Scan videos

These are the only ultrasound videos i have. I love watching them and seeing them alive and healthy.
This first one is both of them together pushing each other out the way.




this one is Eli, you can tell he was the more laid back one. He never used to move much.



And this one is Jett. He was always more active, i could tell he was going to be the one that was into everything.

I spoke too soon

Today i went back to the creche to do my 3 hours of volunteering and it was nothing like it was the week before. I wasn't with the same ladies as i was on Friday and as soon as i seen these ladies i felt like i wasn't good enough or something. They basically ignored me most of the time and chatted amongst themselves. Which is fine i don't really mind not being included. The bad thing was is they are both pregnant, one is about 6 months and the other is under 12 weeks, so alot of those 3 hours were spent listening to them talk about pregnancy/babies. There was also a few smaller babies there today which was fine like i said last time because i made sure that i stayed on the other side of the room but then one of the ladies needed to go somewhere so she tried to hand him to me and i freaked out. I started shaking and my heart was racing, i felt like i was going to either pass out or cry. i said i cant take him and she gave me a really dirty look kind of like telling me that she is in charge so i have to do as i am told. Then i said i really cant handle babies i mine died last year and i cant do it. And then she stormed off and gave him to the other lady. I was so upset it was like she was getting angry at me for the death of my babies.
I understand that i am there to look after kids and if i cant handle all of the job then i shouldn't be there but i don't see why she had to treat me like that.