Ok so it wasnt as bad as i was expecting. I actually had a good time. there were 2 smaller babies there but i just stayed on the other side of the room and everything was ok. I dont even think anyone noticed that i was freaking out about them. Well i hope no one noticed anyway.
The one thing that i hated while i was there is that i got asked THE question, 'do you have any kids?' I have never been asked that question before. I think the reason that i have never been asked is because of my age. Most people would asume someone as young as me wouldnt have kids. I have always told myself that if i ever did get asked i would tell them that i did, I am proud of my boys, why wouldnt i want people to know about them. But i froze, and i said no. And after a few minutes of thinking over what i had replied i realised that i said no, that i had just said that i didnt have them. I have no idea why. Maybe it was because i was asked 2 questions at the same time and the answer to the first question was no. I have no idea.
I spose that it is one of those things that you never really know how you are going to react until it happens.
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About Me
- Rikki
- I am 20 years old and a mummy to the most gorgeous identicle twin boys, Elijah Leevi and Jett Leeam who were born on the 10th of January, 2009. They were stillborn at 37 weeks. In the short time that i had with them they taught me so many things, they taught me what it was to live and they also taught me about death. I am lost without my babies and struggle with my loss everyday. Mt life did and still does revolve around my beautiful boys. I am now trying to find a way to live as a babyless mum and figure out where my place in life is.
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3 comments:
I am glad it wasn't that bad. I wonder if I would have had a hard time. Being around infants and babies makes my heart ache right now. Don't beat yourself up about saying 'no' as that is such a tough question. I think you have to say what it most comfortable at the time. You love your boys and will always remember them. They are your sons. Because you said 'no' to someone who asked you does not change that.
xx
That first time that question is brought up it is so hard to think fast enough. Our hearts are breaking and our minds are trying to protect our hearts from even more pain.
I'm glad that you got thru that day. It is another step.
I still haven't had to answer that question yet. I know it will be asked when I least expect it and I won't know what to say. No matter what you answer though, your boys will always be your children and they will always be loved. As long as you know, that's all that really matters. I'm glad you got through the day. XO
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