Wednesdays for Wyatt - Week Three!

Here we go! Our third Wednesday for Wyatt! It’s quite simple to participate. All you have to do is copy and paste this post on your blog, and go over to Danielle's blog to link up with MckLinky! Once you do that, your all set to win a great giveaway.

So far, we are up to 1,443 signatures! Lets try to keep them steadily rolling in.

For those of you who are not familiar with my family and what we are trying to achieve, here’s a brief run down...

Our son Wyatt was diagnosed with a fatal condition at our 18 week ultrasound, but chose to carry him to term. We waited to meet our son with love, all the time praying we would get to see him alive.

On June 1, 2009, Wyatt made his way into the world by c-section. To our amazement he had a faint heartbeat and was breathing! He died two minutes later, but I’ve clung to the two minutes my son and I breathed the same air since his passing.

Upon calling to get a copy of Wyatt’s birth certificate, I found out he was listed as a stillborn. You would assume it was a mistake (like I did), but there was no mistake. According to the definition of live birth in Tennessee my son was not “alive enough” to be deemed a live born baby. His two minutes of life has gone unrecognized by my state, and I intend to change this piece of legislation so I can solidify the validity of my son’s short life.

Wednesdays for Wyatt was created to help spread awareness for a law that needs to be changed, as well as to generate more traffic to my petition. So if you’re reading this, thanks for taking the time to help our family!

This contest will be open today only. I will close MckLinky down sometime before midnight, so make sure you get linked up ASAP to make sure you are entered to win this giveaway! Thanks for helping everyone, and good luck.

Was it a Sign?

I have been thinking recently about signs. One of my friends that had a miscarrage was telling me about a sign that she got just before her miscarage. She walked into her doctors office to tell him that she was pregnant and laying on the floor in the middle of the room was a dead man. A few days later she lost her baby. Was that a sign? I think it was.

I was thinking back to just before i found out that my boys had died and was trying to figure out if anything like this happened to me. I realised that it did. On the 2nd of January John Travolta's son Jett died.

Before it being all over the news i didnt even know that john Travolta had a son but seeing it all over the news really hit me hard for some reason. I was really sad about it. I felt really sorry for john and his family and couldnt even begin to imagine how he must be feeling to lose his son Jett. I didnt even want to think what it would feel like to lose my son Jett or Eli.

I found out on the 7th of january that neither of my boys had a heart beat. It devistated me. I forgot all about Jett travolta and his family. All that mattered was that my boys had died. I didnt have to imagine their loss. I was feeling it along with them.

I found out from their autopsy that they most likely died on saturday the 3rd of January. technicaly only one day after Jett Travolta. I was thinking about it and with the time diference ( Friday the 2nd of January over there is Saturday the 3rd of january over here) My boys and him died on the same day.

I really think that it was a sign. I think at the time deep down i thought it was a sign too but i didnt want to believe it. I knew something was wrong but i didnt want to believe that either. It took me 5 days to find out that something was wrong. 5 days to get the courage up to go to the doctors for them to confirm my worst fears. Something was wrong. Soemthing is still wrong. My boys arent here where they should be. Thats wrong.

The Secret Garden Meeting- October

Welcome to the garden. A place that is only open for bereaved parents. It is our garden, our secret place to come to. A place to remember our children with those who understand us. It is a place to just be, without worry or fear of not being accepted. May you feel safe to share your hearts here in the garden.

So this meeting we would like to talk about where you are. Where are you at in your grief. Has it been years or just weeks since you lost your baby. How are you feeling. How do you hope you will feel in the future. Have you found any peace at all?

Tomorrow it will have been 10 months since Eli and Jett were born. Those 10 months feel like they have gone by so fast but at the same time it feels like it has been forever without my boys. I am ok most days, well not really ok more less of a mess then i was a few months ago. I am still missing them like crazy but now when i think about them it makes me smile instead of cry. I still cry but its only when i think about what i am missing out on or what should have/ would have been. Mostly i am so happy that i had the chance to meet them. I don't really think that it has gotten any easier or i am any less sad then i was all those months ago but i think i am now sad for different reasons then i was. I used to be sad for losing them but i didn't lose them and i now realise that they will always be with me no matter what.
I don't really have any hopes for the future i just try to take each day as it comes.

Do i have a right

Sometimes i feel like i don't have a right to be this sad. I think about all the poverty in the world and the people who don't have anywhere to live, anything to eat, lost their entire family, live in war and other horrible things like that. I'm sure to these people i have had it easy, and i know that my life isn't that bad but too me it is that bad. Losing my babies is the worst thing that has ever happened to me and probably the worst thing that could happen to me. I would give everything up, i would give my life just to hold my boys again.

Then i think about all the mums that have lost more then me. That have lost 2 babies separately or more then 2 babies. I really don't think that i could have handled that. Losing them both at once was bad enough but having to lose both of them at different times would have killed me even more. And I think about the people that have tried for years before finally getting pregnant only to lose there much loved babies. I wasn't even trying. So sometimes i feel bad for that. I feel bad that i obviously don't have any trouble getting pregnant when so many ladies out there would give anything to get pregnant. I feel bad that i don't have any trouble staying pregnant when some people cant. I feel bad that what happened to the boys wasn't something that is likely to happen again when some people cant have babies because of the chancs of something genetic happening again. Sometimes i feel like i should feel lucky that none of these horrible devistating things have happened to me and if i did want to have more the chances of something going wrong again aren't very likely, not to say that it wouldn't happen again, i know that it could. But i don't really feel lucky. I lost my boys, my life and i don't want more i just want them.

Another huge thankyou

After having a few bad days i was checking my emails and got the perfect pick me up in my inbox. Holly at caring for carleigh made this beautiful video of my boys photos. I love it, it is perfect and amazing. I was in tears watching it. Words cant even describe what it means that she done this for me. So THANKYOU SO MUCH HOLLY you really have made my day/week/month.
XXX

Heartbreaking

So yesterday and today i havent really been in the best of moods. Like i have said before i am a volunteer with a organiseation called Teddy logve club. I got involved with them after i lost my boys. They donate teddies to families that lose their babies so they dont have to leave the hospital with empty arms. I wanted to be able to give back and help other families that were going to have to go through what i was going through. I love doing it. It makes me feel like something good is coming from what i had been through. Even though i would take it all back to have my boys back.
A few months ago i droped about 12 teddies off at my local hospital. I thought 12 was going to be enough to last a while. Well really i was hoping it would be. Anyway i got a call yesterday morning saying that the hospital had run out of teddies and they would like me to drop some more off to them. It broke my heart. I know that this kind of thing happens a lot but for some reason i didnt think that they would run out so soon. I can understand how a hospital in a city or a bigger town might run out quickly but where i live is small. It just makes me so sad thinking of how many people are going through so much pain.

Thankyou!!

I wanted to say thankyou so so much to Danielle at Letting Go and Letting God For sending me this beautiful photo that she took of my boys names on rocks. I love it. As soon as i opened the email and seen this photo all i could do was cry. It is so nice to know that other people that i have never even met before are thinking of Eli and Jett.