Good Week.

Tonight i met up with an amazing group of ladies who have unfortunantly lost babies all at diferent times and all to diferent causes. I had a really good night and have made alot of new friends. It was so good to be able to sit with these ladies and not have to think about what i am saying or if i am going to upset or offend anyone. I could be myself with them and that is something that i havent done in a very long time. I hate the reason that we were all there but i am so happy that we have found each other and are able to help each other and hopefully many more other families along the way.

It is extremely comforting to know that i am not alone but at the same time i wish i was, i wish that no one else had to feel the way that i am feeling. Its not fair all these wonderfull women and millions more have to go through this. What did we all do to deserve it.

I have had a pretty good week this week. Slowly it is getting better. i think it started off as 2 steps forward and 1 step back. Now i think it is slowly moving to 3 steps forward and 1 back. There is still good days and bad ones but the bad days arent hapening so often now. I am now able to make it more then one day with out crying myself to sleep. Sometimes i feel so guilty because i am not crying all the time and i am able to laugh and smile alot more but then i think that my boys wouldnt want me to feel guilty they would want me to be happy and enjoy life. That is what i am trying to do. I owe it to them and i owe it to myself.