Why is it that just when you think that you are past that emotional breakdown from the smallest thing stage something happens to make you have an emotional breakdown. I knew everything was starting to seem too good to be true.
I have had probably the best couple of weeks since the boys were born and i was starting to actualy be as close to happy as possible.
I just found out today that one of my friends is expecting twins. I dont really know how i should feel about it. I know that i should be happy for her but i am just so angry, sad, jealous and those are just a few among many things that i am feeling. I have never had a problem with other pregnant people and i have never thought anything negative. I have a few friends that are pregnant at the moment and i am really happy for them the only thing that i have felt towards them is just being worried for them so having all these negative feelings towards her is really confusing me and making me feel like the biggest bitch ever. I thought that i must have just been one of those people that doesnt have a problem with them but now i know that i never had a problen because i wasnt just pregnant with one i had twins. I dont want to feel like this, i want to be happy that she will get to experience the joy that Eli and Jett bought me but i cant be and i hate that. I know that it is only gona get worse and harder through her pregnancy. I dont know what i hate more, theat she is having twins or the way that i am feeling towards her for having them. If she was just pregnant with one baby it would be so much easier.
It's just not fair. I dont understand what i have done to deserve such a crappy life.
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2 comments:
Oh Rikki you haven't done anything to make this happen, it is just a really crappy thing that has happend to us. I know exactly what you mean though. An acquaintence thought she may be having twins because her numbers were so high and I was pissed...I didn't get it. When I found out she was only pregnant with a singleton, I was so happy for me. I didn't want her to experience the joy of twins since I am not able to...And what is really bad on my part is this lady lost her 18month old son about a year ago and I still felt that way. Not very nice huh??? Other pregnant women and babies don't bother me either...it is just the twins that get me. Don't be too hard on yourself, I think these feelings are "normal." Thinking of you.
xx,
Tina
I'm so sorry about Jett and Eli. xo
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